from the have-you-ever-called-jd-vance-a-couch-fucker? dept
A lot of what we’ve written about concerning the Trump regime’s nonsensical and ridiculous immigration insurance policies have centered on how they’re grabbing folks off the streets, or disappearing them to random international gulags with out due course of. However we’ve additionally talked in regards to the absolute madness of US immigration coverage because it pertains to foreigners touring to the US on visas. And probably the most telling factor about latest tales involving vacationers being denied entry to the US? No person’s stunned by them anymore—even once they contain completely ridiculous causes like having a satirical meme in your cellphone.
We’ve talked about how the US is now scanning the social media of anybody who needs to go to, and it’s resulting in loads of ridiculous tales that appear prone to trigger loads of international vacationers to only keep the fuck away.
Prior to now two weeks, two such tales have made a good bit of reports. First, Aussie author and former Columbia pupil Alistair Kitchen informed a narrative of flying from Melbourne to Los Angeles (for a layover earlier than touring on to New York to go to pals) the place he was detained for 12 hours, pressured into revealing his cellphone contents, after which being shipped again to Australia… as a result of means again when, he had written an article about Palestinian protests at Columbia.
He wrote in regards to the ordeal within the New Yorker, and there are many loopy bits, with the CBP folks demanding he unlock a folder on his cellphone after which scrolling by way of his dick pics with him being maybe the craziest half:
He was gone for a very long time. I imagined him, in his workplace, utilizing some new software program to floor all of the dirty particulars of my life. Although I’d deleted a number of materials associated to the protests from my gadget, I’d stored loads of private content material. Presumably Martinez was skimming by way of all of this—the embarrassing, the shameful, the sexual.
That concern was confirmed. Martinez got here out and mentioned that I wanted to unlock the Hidden folder in my picture album. I informed him it might be higher for him if I didn’t. He insisted. I felt I had no alternative. I did have a alternative, after all: the selection of noncompliance and deportation. However by then my bravery had left me. I used to be afraid of this man and of the ability that he represented. So as an alternative I unlocked the folder and watched as he scrolled by way of all of my most private content material in entrance of me. We checked out a photograph of my penis collectively.
Come to America! Land of the free! The place we detain you for no cause on the border to yell at you about your reporting (free press!), power you to disclose your secrets and techniques (no common warrants!), and gleefully scroll by way of your dick pics collectively (merciless and strange).
As Kitchen notes, that they had deliberate to dam him from coming into all alongside. Whereas he had executed a cursory “cleanup” of his social media earlier than flying to the US, they apparently already had the whole lot they wanted.
They have been ready for me after I obtained off the airplane. Officer Martinez intercepted me earlier than I entered main processing and took me instantly into an interrogation room within the again, the place he took my cellphone and demanded my passcode. After I refused, I used to be informed I might be instantly despatched again dwelling if I didn’t comply. I ought to have taken that deal and opted for the short deportation. However in that second, dazed from my fourteen-hour flight, I believed C.B.P. would let me into the U.S. as soon as they realized they have been coping with a middling author from regional Australia. So I complied.
Then started the primary “interview.” The questions focussed virtually solely on my reporting in regards to the Columbia pupil protests. From 2022 to 2024, I attended Columbia for an M.F.A. program, on a pupil visa, and when the encampment started in April of final 12 months I started publishing every day missives to my Substack, a weblog that just about nobody (besides, apparently, the U.S. authorities) appeared to learn. To Officer Martinez, the items have been extremely regarding. He requested me what I considered “all of it,” which means the battle on campus, in addition to the battle between Israel and Hamas. He requested my opinion of Israel, of Hamas, of the scholar protesters. He requested if I used to be pals with any Jews. He requested for my views on a one- versus a two-state answer. He requested who was at fault: Israel or Palestine. He requested what Israel ought to do in another way. (The Division of Homeland Safety, which governs the C.B.P., claims that any allegations that I’d been arrested for political views are false.)
Then he requested me to call college students concerned within the protests. He requested which WhatsApp teams, of pupil protesters, I used to be a member of. He requested who fed me “the knowledge” in regards to the protests. He requested me to surrender the identities of individuals I “labored with.”
Sadly for Officer Martinez, I didn’t work with anybody. I participated within the protests as an unbiased pupil journalist who in the future stumbled upon tents on the garden. My writing, all of which is now publicly out there, was actually sympathetic to the protesters and their calls for, however it comprised an correct and sincere documentation of the occasions at Columbia. That, after all, was the issue.
That story obtained some consideration, however not practically the worldwide consideration that the story of a Norwegian vacationer, Mads Mikkelsen, who had a considerably related expertise. In his telling, he was denied entry as a consequence of a JD Vance meme on his cell phone.
Mikkelsen claims that immigration officers stopped him for questioning and quizzed him “about drug trafficking, terrorist plots, and right-wing extremism,” all of which he mentioned was “completely with out cause.” He says he was positioned in a holding cell.
“They took me to a room with a number of armed guards, the place I needed to hand over my footwear, cell phone, and backpack,” he informed Nordlys.
Subsequent, Mikkelsen claims that officers threatened to imprison him or high-quality him $5,000 if he didn’t grant them entry to his cellphone, so he did. He mentioned that’s when brokers discovered a meme on his gadget that confirmed the vice chairman’s face—digitally altered to make him chubbier, bald, and cartoonish—that turned common after Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky visited the Oval Workplace in February. He claimed additionally they signaled disapproval to a photograph of him with a home made wood pipe.
Now, the Division of Homeland Safety has denied that he was denied entry for the meme, saying it was often because he had admitted to previous drug use (apparently he admitted to having marijuana twice: as soon as in New Mexico and as soon as in Germany, although he identified it was authorized in each locations — although in New Mexico whereas it’s authorized on the state degree, it’s nonetheless (stupidly) unlawful on the federal degree):
That mentioned, the meme (which had already gone semi-viral again in February) all of a sudden began showing in every single place, with loads of folks (particularly throughout Europe) utilizing the meme and Mikkelsen’s story to mock each JD Vance and American immigration/visa insurance policies.
It even went all the best way as much as the Irish legislature, the place a politician, Ivana Bacik, held up the meme of JD Vance throughout questions on laws.
Right here’s the factor that ought to terrify anybody who provides a shit about America’s world popularity: when informed {that a} vacationer was denied entry over a JD Vance meme, no person’s first response was “that’s clearly pretend.” As an alternative, folks throughout the globe nodded and thought “yeah, that tracks.” The truth that this story is fully plausible is a damning indictment of the place US immigration coverage has gone. That’s not the form of shit the US is meant to do, and there’s no means that this isn’t damaging US tourism as these tales unfold far and huge.
The factor is, as absurd as it’s that Mikkelsen was turned away for both the meme or smoking somewhat pot, as with the Australian author, Kitchen, the really horrifying bit was in how they handled Mikkelsen. Plenty of individuals are laughing in regards to the JD Vance meme bit, however nothing Mikkelsen did might probably deserve this type of therapy.
He alleges that he was then strip-searched, fingerprinted, had blood samples taken, and was held for 5 hours earlier than being placed on a flight again to Norway.
Strip searched? Blood samples? What the fuck?
Whether or not Mikkelsen was truly bounced for the meme or the pot is irrelevant. The true story is that when the world hears “American border brokers detained a vacationer over a satirical picture of the Vice President,” their response isn’t disbelief—it’s darkish laughter and reduction that they’re not planning any journeys to the US anytime quickly.
That’s not the model of a free society. That’s the model of an authoritarian state the place mocking the management will get you disappeared. And if that doesn’t embarrass the shit out of anybody with even a passing familiarity with what America used to assert to face for, then we’re already additional gone than these tales counsel.
Filed Beneath: alistair kitchen, cbp, immigration, jd vance, mads mikkelsen, memes, streisand impact, tourism, visas
