This previous St. Patrick’s Day my daughter and I had been listening to John Lennon’s Luck of the Irish. She puzzled aloud whether or not folks realized the phrase was meant to be ironic. Lennon actually did, singing, “Should you had the luck of the Irish, you’d be sorry and want you had been useless …” With Irish-born grandparents and Liverpool’s deep Irish roots, he understood the load of the phrase, eight hundred years of oppression, genocide, and loss, rebranded as “luck”. Her query stayed with me in contemplating the luck I’ve encountered as each a health care provider and a affected person.
Though nobody in my direct line has lived in Eire for over 100 years, I grew up deeply immersed in Irish tradition and historical past. My ancestors fled poverty, oppression, and famine, however all my great-grandparents with ties to Eire died a long time earlier than I used to be born. My husband remembers his personal Irish-born great-grandmother, who shares a reputation with our oldest. She by no means talked about her life earlier than America, however it was nicely understood that she skilled hardship she wished to go away behind. Did our emigrated ancestors really feel fortunate within the standard sense, or did they hope their sacrifices would break centuries-old curses, simply as I hoped for my very own youngsters?
It was by means of this lens of historical past and inheritance that I started to rethink what it actually means to be fortunate. I’ve at all times puzzled about luck’s true nature, whether or not it’s one thing we form ourselves or one thing that shapes us. Are good luck and dangerous luck even completely different, or only a matter of perspective? This query jogged my memory of a narrative I learn as a younger woman.
A farmer’s horse ran away, and his neighbors exclaimed, “What horrible luck!” The farmer calmly stated, “Possibly so, possibly not. We’ll see.” Days later, the horse returned with a number of wild mares. The neighbors stated, “What nice luck!” The farmer replied, “Possibly so, possibly not. We’ll see.” Quickly after, the farmer’s son broke his leg whereas attempting to tame a mare. Once more, the neighbors stated, “What horrible luck!” The farmer answered, “Possibly so, possibly not. We’ll see.” Weeks later, troopers got here to recruit younger males for the military. As a result of the son was nonetheless injured, he was left behind. The neighbors cheered, “What super luck!” The farmer merely stated, “Possibly so, possibly not. We’ll see.”
Just like the farmer, I’ve come to see that circumstances aren’t inherently good or dangerous, they merely are. My daughter and I mirrored on our personal tales and the super good luck I’ve: being born at a time and place the place my skills are valued, having three unbelievable youngsters, being identified with a particularly uncommon most cancers for which I had neither threat components nor signs, and but it was discovered nonetheless. My most cancers was even handled with robotic surgical procedure and miracle medicine, not with the radiation that had killed my eight-year-old sister after her most cancers within the nineties. Fortunate.
These reflections on luck and destiny weren’t simply summary musings; I discovered myself hoping to be the luckiest of the unfortunate. After being given a stage 4 most cancers prognosis final yr, I feared I had failed my youngsters, trapped in the identical cycle of loss that has plagued our household. A second opinion, then a 3rd adopted, all the identical. Every time, the preliminary optimism turned to silence once they lastly noticed my scans with an abrupt shift of their demeanor. They stated my solely likelihood was to have unfavourable follow-up scans, biopsies, molecular blood exams, and genetics—and, extremely, that’s precisely what I had. Now, my docs started to hedge that maybe it might be stage 3 in any case. Fortunate once more.
Confronting my very own mortality and legacy has sparked a curiosity about my household’s previous. Though beforehand unknown to me, I discovered myself turning to the tales which have been my household’s historical past. My dad’s genealogical analysis traced our Curtin/Macartan household again to the Protestant Revolution. The MacArtans had been as soon as Northern Irish the Aristocracy, Lords of Kinelarty, and poets. This historical past took an abrupt unfortunate flip after my seventh great-grandfather led an rebellion for King James II in opposition to William of Orange. Defeated, he was pardoned by the King, regrouped in France, and tried (and failed) once more. Regardless of overwhelmingly unfavourable odds, the act of urgent on resonates with me immediately as I face my very own battle with sickness. There’s worth and honor in persevering with the journey, even when the top is past our management. The result could also be predestined, however I can nonetheless management the grace with which I navigate every step.
With hindsight, I understand that I went to medical college partly as a solution to defend myself from future tragedy. However it didn’t work. Or did it? My organic future with most cancers was sealed at start. With out my medical data and the connections I’ve constructed through the years, I’d have confronted near-certain demise earlier than a prognosis. Fortunate? Over time, I’ve come to know that luck isn’t a present bestowed upon us. Relatively, it’s a expertise honed by means of adversity, to proceed preventing the great combat. As a pediatrician, I’ve realized that resilience isn’t nearly survival. It’s about discovering which means within the face of uncertainty.
Possibly “luck” isn’t about lucky or unlucky circumstances in any respect. Possibly it’s the defiant act of carrying on, even when the percentages really feel not possible. Can we modify the longer term for our sufferers, for our youngsters, or for ourselves by doing so?
We’ll see.
Kelly Curtin-Hallinan is a board-certified pediatrician, medical director, and writer whose profession facilities on compassionate care and advocacy for susceptible youngsters. She serves as a pediatrician with WellSpan Well being and as medical director for the Pennsylvania Workplace of Medical Help. Dr. Curtin additionally contributes to coverage and management by means of the Pennsylvania Chapter of the American Academy of Pediatrics and serves on a number of nationwide boards throughout the AAP. Affiliated with York Hospital, she is acknowledged for her management in pediatric oral well being and trauma-informed care.
Dr. Curtin’s artistic work displays her lived experiences with sickness, motherhood, and survival. She is the writer of the forthcoming youngsters’s e book Molly and Potato, co-written together with her daughter. Her writing additionally seems in essays comparable to “Dealing with terminal most cancers as a health care provider and mom.” Join through LinkedIn or Instagram @mollyandpotatobook. Extra at Molly and Potato.
