A pacesetter’s journey via profound grief and loss [PODCAST]

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Well being care strategist Dana Y. Lujan discusses her article, “Grief and management in well being care.” Dana shares her devastating private story of shedding each her son’s father and, six years later, her solely son, Joey, and the way this profound grief uncovered the failures of the well being care system when confronted with ache that can not be captured by a diagnostic code. She describes her personal expertise (together with a prompt 72-hour psychiatric maintain) and the way the system supplied labels like sophisticated grief and PTSD however not true understanding. Dana contrasts this along with her profession in well being care management, arguing that true compassion and resilience should be redefined by those that have skilled profound loss. She explains why management should transfer past metrics to deal with the hidden grief in our clinics and boardrooms and the way persistence is about surrendering to progress, not simply “pushing via.” Uncover how she discovered to steer herself via unimaginable ache and switch that perspective into function.

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Transcript

Kevin Pho: Hello. Welcome to the present. Subscribe at KevinMD.com/podcast. At present, we welcome again Dana Y. Lujan. She is a well being care strategist, and as we speak’s KevinMD article is “Grief and management in well being care.” Dana, welcome again to the present.

Dana Y. Lujan: Oh, effectively thanks for having me.

Kevin Pho: Inform us what your newest article is about.

Dana Y. Lujan: This newest article is about my private loss and the way it reworked my management. It explores how grief, relatively than breaking me, taught me to steer with vulnerability, empathy, and function. It’s a reflection on the human facet of management and the way true therapeutic begins once we cease hiding behind energy and begin main with authenticity.

Kevin Pho: And for many who didn’t get an opportunity to learn your article, inform us your story.

Dana Y. Lujan: My backstory is that my management basis really began off within the army again within the Nineties. I don’t understand how the management continues with that basis now, however we’ve at all times had this stoic strategy concerned within the army. You at all times have this armor on, at all times push via, “Suck it up and drive on, soldier.”

You then come out to the civilian world. We do have empathy and we do have compassion, however what are actually empathy and compassion if you happen to haven’t actually felt it from inside your loved ones tribe?

After I misplaced my son’s father, Joseph, I discovered to compartmentalize that loss. As a real chief, you’re considering: “OK, I would like to verify my in-laws are taken care of. I would like to verify my little one is taken care of. I must proceed on pushing via as a result of I must pay the mortgage and the lease and the payments.” Then late at night time, you simply shut the door and begin crying or doing what is required. However when you get up within the morning, it’s important to carry out.

If you end up hit with one other loss, your little one, your solely little one, that could be a second the place it actually strips you down of the whole lot you knew. Your entire identification is stripped away. Who’re you, and the way do you climb out of that?

Kevin Pho: Inform us the kind of assist that you just leaned on throughout these tragic occasions.

Dana Y. Lujan: If I take it again to once I misplaced my son’s father, it was principally his household and his pals. However once more, it’s a completely different sort of loss. If you end up taking a look at shedding your partner, you’re looking at your current, however you continue to must proceed pushing ahead on your children, particularly when you’ve got children. You ensure you are pushing ahead and displaying that the whole lot goes to be OK, and getting them into remedy. However then we sort of neglect about ourselves as a result of as people and being leaders, we are likely to assume that we’d like to verify everyone seems to be supported.

After I misplaced my solely little one, that’s the place it actually shattered me as a result of one, your entire identification is misplaced in a way as a result of I now not have his father to lean on throughout this tough time. You then ask your self: “Am I a mom?” I used to be a mom for 20 years, and right here I’m in management. You take a look at your self like: “Wait, I’m pushing to start out pushing via. It’s time for me to get again to work, however I don’t know who I’m.”

Throughout that point, I thank God for his pals as a result of they actually rallied round me to verify I used to be OK. My son’s 20-something-year-old pals are those who supported me throughout this loss, which was actually superb. When you’ve gotten pals who’ve children, it is rather laborious for them to essentially perceive as a result of who needs to consider their very own children passing away?

Then, your management pals, it’s sort of like you’re residing in disgrace. You will have guilt, and you’re coping with all these feelings, and folks don’t know easy methods to deal with that model of you. It’s a very tight rope to stroll on.

Kevin Pho: As a well being care chief, you talked about that typically it’s important to present up regardless of the tragedies, regardless of unimaginable tragedies that you just simply described. How did you make it via that state of affairs? What are among the issues that you just did?

Dana Y. Lujan: I keep in mind strolling into my therapist’s workplace. She mentioned: “OK, so long as you do three issues a day, that’s good, and you may go lay down.”

I mentioned: “Nicely, I must go stroll my canines as a result of we had two canines on the time.”

She mentioned: “No, rent a walker.”

I used to be considering: “No, I believe I can stroll them.”

I actually consider that call of me having to rise up and ensure my canines bought walked helped me alongside the highway. Folks allowed me area to debate my son. Everybody’s children are their entire world to them. Although my son handed away, permitting that area really helped as effectively.

It’s on daily basis. At first, it’s not on daily basis; it’s like each minute you’ve gotten to choose that there’s extra to life than what I’m presently going via. There’s extra to life than what I’m presently going via; it’s only a chapter. However I’ve to push via and actually dig inside myself.

There are occasions the place you may see one thing optimistic. I used to be {golfing} sooner or later and I did very effectively at this recreation, and I used to be enthusiastic about it. So there are occasions the place it’s important to be glad about these moments. Then you’ll be able to simply go dwelling and shut the door and simply permit your self to really feel the ache. It’s OK to really feel the ache. It’s OK to say: “You recognize, I believe I must take a break from company America, or from my job, or from what I’m doing, and sit on the sidelines for a couple of months so I can really feel it. After I come again, I need to be higher. I need to have the ability to be a greater chief, be a greater individual.”

Kevin Pho: How did these tragic episodes have an effect on your management? How did these episodes make you a greater chief?

Dana Y. Lujan: I’m extra within the current. Earlier than, I felt like I used to be at all times rushed. If I had an worker are available or name me, I used to be making an attempt to say sure, however behind my thoughts, I used to be considering: “OK, I’ve this errand to go do. I’ve this deadline.”

Now I’m kind of like: “OK, the whole lot can park it. You will have my undivided consideration and what’s wanted from you.”

When I’m listening to an individual and they’re telling me their state of affairs, I’m on the lookout for pauses. I’m able to seize that one thing is occurring with them, so let me delve in a bit bit deeper. I are typically extra like: “OK, what’s going on? Let me see if we are able to sort of work this out as a result of you aren’t alone.”

I believe that’s what makes me a greater chief: the compassion. It’s the vulnerability. It’s saying: “Hmm, you realize, I’m having a tough day, so I may have your assist.” It’s OK to ask for assist as a result of folks love to assist out. It doesn’t matter what their titles are, they’re going to enable you to out, and it’s OK to be susceptible.

Kevin Pho: I really like that phrase, vulnerability, as a result of too usually in well being care, we ignore vulnerability. Vulnerability typically is seen as a weak spot. I speak to plenty of physicians, and going via medical college, internship, and residency, they’re skilled to not be susceptible. Discuss extra in depth about that energy of vulnerability and the way typically vulnerability in well being care could make one stronger.

Dana Y. Lujan: I’ve actually grown to study to be susceptible, particularly in well being care. After I do have moments (and I do know I’m not on the clinician facet, however I do work with NPs and RNs and suppliers), whenever you begin asking for assist or for a distinct perspective, persons are extra inclined that will help you out. That could be a actually therapeutic second as a result of we are able to cover behind our screens and assume we’re doing everybody justice by holding the whole lot in. However what you aren’t seeing from the opposite facet is what is likely to be portraying out.

I’m going to offer you a very good instance. I compartmentalized my son’s father’s loss. So right here I’m sporting this protecting armor not being susceptible and never asking for assist as a result of I’m considering that I’ve to proceed on the way in which with my children and my in-laws, and hold very stoic. However down the highway when talking to folks, you begin discovering out: “You recognize, Dana, you had been a bit intense.”

I believed I used to be holding the whole lot collectively. No, you had been a bit bit intense. So with my son’s loss (and I do know I’m smiling about it now as a result of it’s progress), that vulnerability comes into place and now I get an entire completely different perspective of me. It’s not: “Oh, she was making an attempt to carry the whole lot collectively.” It’s: “She wants assist.” It’s that connection as a result of we as folks, as people, are entwined to assist one another out. We would like to have the ability to be useful, we wish to have the ability to join. Inside that connection is what helps you heal from that profound loss.

Kevin Pho: For these different well being care employees who’re going via or have gone via unimaginable grief, are there any items of recommendation or knowledge that you possibly can share with them?

Dana Y. Lujan: That is only a chapter in your life, and also you simply must undergo the uncomfortable. It’ll be an amazing progress. I do know it’s straightforward for me to see it now as a result of I’ve been via it. However I’m telling you, on daily basis, select life. Day-after-day, select it as a result of that’s only a chapter of your story. Your entire story has not been written out but. So that you at all times have that selection.

Kevin Pho: We’re speaking to Dana Lujan. She is a well being care strategist. At present’s KevinMD article is “Grief and management in well being care.” Dana, let’s finish with some take-home messages that you just need to depart with the KevinMD viewers.

Dana Y. Lujan: You don’t develop the place you’re snug. You develop whenever you resolve to face what hurts, sit in it, and nonetheless consider one thing higher is coming.

Kevin Pho: Dana, thanks a lot for sharing your perspective and perception, and thanks once more for coming again on the present.

Dana Y. Lujan: Thanks for having me.