I by no means thought I’d be the cautionary story.
For many years, I labored at a monetary firm. I’m a youth sports activities coach, a husband, and a father of two. I’ve spent many years teaching, mentoring gamers, and proudly producing highschool sports activities telecasts. I constructed a life round management, precision, and group.
However none of that ready me for what occurred once I was prescribed pramipexole (Mirapex) to deal with Parkinson’s.
The warnings had been there: compulsive behaviors, playing, and hypersexuality. I learn them. I nodded. I believed, That received’t be me.
However pramipexole doesn’t come for you want a thunderstorm. It rewires you slowly. Quietly. It doesn’t really feel like dependancy. It looks like urgency. Like logic. Like a voice that appears like your individual, telling you this subsequent step is smart. Till it doesn’t.
I misplaced management. I made selections that devastated my household. Monetary wreck. Emotional collapse. The sort of betrayal that no apology can repair. And once I lastly got here out of the fog (once I tapered off the drug and the compulsive pull vanished), I used to be left with the wreckage. The readability got here too late.
Since petering out pramipexole, the compulsive urge is gone. It’s not dulled. It’s not managed. It’s gone. I don’t really feel the identical pull, the identical irrational want, the identical hijacking of my ideas. That change, the one which used to flip with out warning, is silent now.
However that doesn’t undo what occurred.
I sit right here now understanding that I’ve ruined the lifetime of my household. I understand there may be nothing I can do to alter what my mind did below the affect of that drug. I gambled away all the pieces that will have made a life for my youngsters and my spouse. What I’ve finished is costing me greater than I ever imagined: not simply the cash I misplaced, however the tax penalties that will forestall my youngsters from ending school, and burden my spouse for the remainder of her life.
And I nonetheless have Parkinson’s. That received’t get higher. I’ll need assistance, assist I received’t have the ability to give myself. And my spouse received’t have the ability to be all the pieces for me or for herself. I worry what meaning for her. For us.
I really feel ineffective. Responsible. Ashamed. Like I’ve taken a step backward. However I additionally know this: I’m not hiding anymore. I’m telling the reality. I’m searching for assist. I’m writing each day. And even when I can’t repair what’s damaged, I can be sure that nobody else walks into this blind.
Right here’s what I would like you to know: The dangers and warnings received’t defend you.
You’ll be able to learn them. You’ll be able to consider you’re immune. However pramipexole doesn’t ask for permission. It modifications how your mind processes danger, reward, and impulse. And by the point you understand one thing’s fallacious, it’s possible you’ll already be deep in it.
This isn’t only a medical aspect impact. It’s a neurological hijacking. And it almost value me all the pieces.
If you happen to or somebody you’re keen on is taking pramipexole (or any dopamine agonist), please don’t dismiss the dangers. Monitor habits. Ask onerous questions. Don’t await the injury to point out up earlier than you act.
I’m not asking for forgiveness. I’m asking for consciousness, for accountability, and for a system that doesn’t bury these dangers in tremendous print. And for households to know that if one thing feels off, it may be extra than simply stress. It may be the drug.
That is my story. And I’m nonetheless residing it.
The creator is an nameless affected person.
