Mike Lee is a United States Senator, a former Supreme Court docket clerk, and a deeply unserious clown. Lee’s new “Patriots of the Caribbean” initiative — which seems like a militia group that acquired misplaced on January 6 looking for its misplaced shaker of salt — seeks to assist the Trump administration with its current marketing campaign to explode random boats (and commit struggle crimes within the course of) by sending in a secret weapon.
PIRATES!
When you’re questioning whether or not it is a bit, it isn’t. When you’re questioning whether or not Lee understands how drug trafficking works, worldwide regulation works, or actuality works, the reply can also be no.
Lee’s legislative brainfart — wherein he’s joined by Home sponsor Rep. Tim Burchett — is the Cartel Marque and Reprisal Reauthorization Act, dusting off the “Letters of Marque and Reprisal” energy listed in Article I. n the 18th century, this meant authorizing personal ships to harass enemy vessels throughout wartime. In 2025, it means handing a 4Chan message board of armed rednecks a treasure map the place X marks a suspected drug lord.
Why instantly implicate the U.S. navy in worldwide regulation violations when you possibly can outsource them to unaccountable dipshits with GoPros?
Now, you would possibly suppose that it’s unfair to characterize Lee’s coverage as piracy. So right here’s Lee explaining, “No, no, I actually simply imply pirates.”
“Privateers is what they’re referred to as,” he stated. “Letters of marque and reprisal are licensed below Article 1, Part 8, Clause 10 of the Structure.”
Lee stated it’s the identical clause that provides Congress the ability to declare struggle, however it additionally permits the legislative department to concern letters of marque, “authorizing privateers, pirates primarily … to hold out acts of piracy.”
As former deputy secretary of state Brian P. McKeon identified, “Except for the truth that piracy is universally acknowledged worldwide as unlawful (see additionally title 18 of the US Code), what a terrific concept Mike!” The Paris Declaration of 1856 formally banned privateering, and whereas the USA by no means formally ratified the settlement, it has dedicated to abide by its ideas as a matter of accepted worldwide regulation.
Undeterred by regulation or frequent sense, the Senator hopes with this invoice to enlist some scalawags to help Trump’s anti-drug efforts. Does the Trump administration truly care about combating drug trafficking? In fact not. It’s not even been an entire month since Trump pardoned one of the vital prolific drug traffickers within the federal jail system. The sponsors of the invoice additionally don’t appear to know how drug trafficking works, citing fentanyl for this coverage despite the fact that Venezuela isn’t a supply of fentanyl, however relatively a cocaine provider for Europe.
However Mike Lee sees a chance to avoid wasting the sagging economic system by juicing the unique parrot market.
If we’re severe about in search of medication, have we thought-about looking no matter workplace Mike Lee and his workers have been in once they brainstormed sending Jack Sparrow to battle twenty first century drug cartels? This isn’t the primary time Lee’s talked about bringing again piracy. Some legislators champion common well being care or securing voting rights, against this each few years, like cicadas or rebooting the DC Universe, Lee proposes MOAR PIRATES to the delight of the likes of Elon Musk and Donald Trump Jr. — two people who find themselves additionally undoubtedly not psychologically stunted adolescents crafting coverage on drug-fueled benders.
The textual content of the invoice doesn’t restrict these letters of marque to the seas, and Lee’s workplace explicitly envisions this coverage deputizing personal actors to extrajudicially assault drug cartels “on land or sea.” It ought to shock you in no way that Lee’s piracy kick has lengthy loved the help of Erik Prince, the founding father of the notorious personal navy contractor Blackwater, channeling his internal Blackbeard. Non-public navy contractors have been implicated in torture whereas working instantly below federal authorities supervision. Lee’s proposal would untether these teams to do no matter they need and acquire a reward at any time when these blind squirrels collect a drug-laced nut. The federal government can shrug off human rights abuses which may come up alongside the way in which as none of its enterprise as a result of lifeless males inform no tales or testify in court docket.
Which, after all, is why the world banned privateers within the first place. Nobody harbored any illusions that the follow amounted to something however governments pawning off accountability by making offers with violent mercenaries.
Frighteningly, Lee is usually floated as a attainable Supreme Court docket nominee regardless of his constitutional insights amounting to turning over America’s drug coverage to Lengthy Dong Sliver. No… wait… Lengthy John Silver. I all the time get that one confused with that different outstanding determine in Supreme Court docket historical past.
Joe Patrice is a senior editor at Above the Regulation and co-host of Pondering Like A Lawyer. Be at liberty to e mail any suggestions, questions, or feedback. Comply with him on Twitter or Bluesky in case you’re eager about regulation, politics, and a wholesome dose of faculty sports activities information. Joe additionally serves as a Managing Director at RPN Govt Search.
